2008’s Six Craziest Political Moments
- Words: Vivian Host
Whenever we hit a dry, dull spot here in this magazine game, we point our browsers to Lords of Apathy, a blog run by Burlesque Design members Todd Bratrud, George Thompson, and various other shadowy figures. Like Life Sucks Die, Burlesque’s hilarious, now defunct zine, LOA consistently entertains us with weird ass YouTube reposts, photos of Asian import car models, and some very incisive social and economic commentary. We asked their scary, but loveable mascot Snickerdoodles McPoppycock to break us down with the most memorable “What the hell?” political happenings of the year.
1. Matt Damon on Sarah Palin
Sometimes it takes Jason Borne to break things down into little, bite-sized nuggets of wisdom before Joe Six-Pack can stop masturbating long enough to realize what an absolute disaster the possibility of a Sarah Palin presidency would be.
2. Seriously, Who Did Let the Dogs Out?
Mitt Romney drops an awkward, patronizing "Who let the dogs out (hoot, hoot)" in a campaign photo-op, surrounded by a dozen black people. I give Mitt partial credit for actually knowing a song done by a black person (albeit a really shitty one), but I would have much rather have seen him bust out "Watch me crank and watch me roll!” Any Republican Mormon who could rock Soulja Boy would be worthy of my vote.
3. DMX on Barack Obama
At some point in your life, you may have asked yourself, "How much crack smoking is too much?” Rapper/shitty actor/all-around crazy person DMX has the definitive answer. In a XXL interview seven months ago, DMX is literally blown away not only that there is a black candidate for president, but also the fact that it's possible for somebody to be named Barack Obama.
4. It’s Raining McCain!
After recording the “Obama Girl” YouTube video onto my Boner Jamz '08 mixtape, I stumbled across the McCain supporters' follow-up video “It's Raining McCain!,” featuring three dumpy junior-high lunch ladies (two of which may have Down’s Syndrome). These two videos may have been the most accurate symbols of the candidate’s respective campaigns.
5. Bush Compares Obama to Hitler Appeasers
On the 60th anniversary of Israel's independence, our boy “W” decided to use the occasion to smear Obama with the old “Hitler appeaser” trump card during a speech at the Knesset. Wait a minute... He's not talking about Adolph Hitler is he? The same Hitler that his grandfather, Prescott Bush, financially backed while he was exterminating millions of Jews during WWII?
6. John McCain versus Tiger Woods
David Bellavia, former Army staff sergeant/spokesperson for “Vets For Freedom” introduces John McCain at a rally near Washington DC, setting the pace for his dishonest, disgusting, race-baiting campaign by saying: "You can have your Tiger Woods. We've got Senator McCain.” I give him credit for at least accessing the situation accurately; McCain had just as good a chance of beating Tiger woods as he did Barack Obama.
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