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Booze, Boobs, Bricks, and More In Our NSFW Wrap-Up of the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos

“We need TOTAL coverage!”

I kept repeating that line from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and my photographer, Kelly O, was clearly getting sick of it. It was 5:30 a.m. at the final day of last week's Gathering of the Juggalos, and we’d already been privy to a stabbing, a bricking, some country-bumpkin cocaine, and a guy named “Kiltman," who forgot where his penis was. We’d wandered too deep, drank too many shitty beers, and though we were on assignment, there was a growing suspicion that the Big Laugh behind this trip was actually on us. It was time to leave this place—back to the relative security of the Bible Belt.

The trip started innocently enough on Friday morning. We drove from Nashville to the very southern tip of Illinois, right across the Ohio River from Kentucky, to a small town called Cave-in-Rock. The Gathering of the Juggalos was about 10 minutes from there, down some graveled-out, winding roads that were barely marked. By the time we got close, it was already pitch-black outside—the only light I saw came from an ambulance and a few cop cars that were parked about four miles from the grounds. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but those cops were the last law enforcement I would see for the rest of the weekend.

As we entered through the main gate, people were shuffling around like zombies; the heat was oppressive and the bugs were even worse. But the Juggalo family mentality was in full effect—everyone was greeting each other with a “whoop whoop” that was so automatic, it was both reassuring and creepy.

Comedian Tom Green was doing his stand-up routine to an enthralled audience sitting on bales of hay, so we decided to find some beer. A couple of nearby Juggalos had a 24-pack of Coors Lite, so we began talking with them about beer and heat and eventually, the real meat and potatoes: a stabbing that occurred about an hour before we arrived. Could have been B.S., but it turned out a 49-year-old man named Mark Rice was later arrested for the crime. “Y’all better be careful out there. Whoop whoop,” was the last thing the guy told us before we headed towards the second stage, where Tila Tequila and Lil Kim were about to play.

The ghetto was mad hot

Seriously, it was like 93 degrees and humid

Walking through the festival grounds reminded me of techno camp-outs from 10-plus years ago in Wisconsin, or really, '90s raves in general. People wearing hardly any clothes, doing an excessive amount of drugs, and just blowing off some steam for few days. So it wasn’t that alien to be there, and in a lot of ways, it was pretty cool. Almost non-existent security, no cops, no rules, and yet the Juggalos were kinda, sorta coexisting. Aside from the stabbing and brick throwing, at least.

Speaking of bricks, there’s been a lot of noise over the Tila Tequila incident, but I found a couple things more disturbing than the brick toss. One was that a few Juggalos I was talking with (pictured above) were absolutely enraged at how “unbelievably fake” Tila Tequila’s boobs were. They couldn’t stop talking about it—how unrealistic the shape was and how they “wouldn’t even” engage in sexual relations with her because of them. Secondly, I spotted several men running into the port-a-johns to grab feces from the reservoirs so they could throw the waste on stage. That was weird.

Someone called Tila Tequila a “dirty cunt,” and this young man threatened to hit him with his nitrous tank

After the Tequila brick toss, Sugar Slam, the blonde, pig-tailed woman from the Gathering infomercial came out and told everyone the second stage "Ladies Night" was done. So we began a long wander back to the car, only to get sidetracked by Vanilla Ice at the “Freakshow” tent. He was self-consciously playing “Ninja Rap” when we came up, saying self-deprecating stuff like “who still remembers this SHIT? Whatever, I fuckin' love this song!” while holding up a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles doll. Later, a series of women got on stage and took most of their clothes off during “Ice Ice Baby.” We stayed there until 6 a.m., and felt pretty positive about the experience.

These two were in the crowd during Vanilla Ice. I envied their bond.

There were all sorts of bizarre things you could do during the day at the Gathering: oil wrestling, helicopter rides, attend seminars on making it in the music industry, etc. But the one thing we missed that I regret was the Ms. Juggalette contest. I say this with total and complete sincerity, because I have no idea how they’d base their judgments. So many hardcore Juggalos that we met had a very old-fashioned take on what women should and shouldn’t show—I wouldn’t say it was puritanical, but (for example) showing boobs without warrant was not held in high regard. These women were actually referred to as “garbage dumps,” and there were many of them at the Gathering.

Saturday night into Sunday morning was met with a collective exhaustion, especially noticeable after Twiztid’s set on the main stage at 11 p.m. The heat was still atrocious, and a lot of Juggalos had been camping since Thursday, probably without any sleep. It seemed a perfect time to take a visit to the “drug bridge.” Nothing more than a short, over-lit bridge that connected one side of the campgrounds to the main stage area, where hundreds of people were buying and selling muscle relaxants, cocaine, marijuana, acid, lean, and much, much more. I’ve never seen so many drugs bought, sold, and traded so freely.

This man requested we blur out his face

We ran into this man at one of the Juggalo beer tents. Unfortunately, I didn’t get his name, but I thought he was one of the more intelligent guys we encountered over the weekend. Bear in mind that he’s talking on a megaphone in front of a bunch of other Juggalos, so there’s a bit of a peanut-gallery effect going on here.

I was pretty excited to see Slick Rick, Tone Loc, and Rob Base at the "Bomb-House" tent late on Saturday night. Sponsored by Shaggy 2 Dope from Insane Clown Posse, the tent was a little sparse on attendance, but the sound was good and the people there were totally into it. Slick Rick was a no-show, but Rob Base and Tone Loc were there, and they played what I thought was the best set of the festival. That being said, I’m not much of a Boondox fan, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

At around four or five in the morning, Coolio got on the second stage and played the hits. We actually caught up with him earlier in the night at the same beer tent that we found the Juggalo Philosopher, and he was absolutely wasted. I could see the grey in his beard. But that didn’t change the fact that “Gangster’s Paradise” gripped this crowd with a startling jolt of ghetto reality. We decided to head home.

We came across this man while searching for our car, and he asked us if we needed any water, which I thought was really cool. We bullshitted for a while, and Kelly asked if she could get his picture. He was a very proper and polite guy, and he definitely had the best goddamn car on the lot.

We finally found our car at the end of a long row of tents, trash, and a security guard that tried to relate to us via “whoop whoop.” Inside the steaming rental, there was some water and a small cache of Twizzlers left, which I immediately ate. We briefly pondered the meaning of it all. It was too hot to think, but there was one central idea that stood out of this experience for me.

In an era where everyone likes everything, subculture has turned into a gigantic, indefinable wash. Punkers, rappers, ravers, witch-housers—they’re all listening to each other’s shit. Meanwhile, the clothes, the signifiers, the slang—it’s all been cross-co-opted to the point that none of it means anything. So what’s left? How do you rebel the old-fashioned way? Maybe if you’re from Kuttawa, Kentucky, it’s wearing evil clown masks and wagging around unmarked bags of pills. Maybe relishing in the ugliness is the only choice you’ve got.

29 comments Booze, Boobs, Bricks, and More In Our NSFW Wrap-Up of the 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos

dread girl (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 11:26

in the Twiztid shirt. i love her

Travis Ritter (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 11:30

I admire Brandon Ivers' courage to endure an entire weekend of this. I probably wouldn't last three hours... GREAT JOB! I can smell the Faygo on my computer screen.

Aninjamous (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 11:34

get in my CADDIES CADDIES.....

No Big Money Rustlas review????

Erica T (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 11:38

You got to see Vanilla Ice perform Ninja Rap?! Awesome! Seriously, this I didn't know that Gathering of the Juggalos existed. Thanks for the enlightenment. Whoop whoop

Ultra Disco Shawn (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 11:45

XLR8R-This is very neat. But I wish you would send your top reporters like Mr. Ivers to infiltrate the shadowy SIBERIAN CUMBIA UNDERGROUND. This is a scene in which i think deserves a lot of coverage. For one they go ICE FISHING and listen to CUMBIA which is something I can not say for these people. When was the last time that they barbequed some squid? Or stoned a man to death for not having enough tropical bounce?? Also I object to the use of beer in this story. PS. Everyone come to my proto-garage-future-cumbia night.

Aninjamous (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 12:05

How many garbage dumps at that proto-garage-future-cumbia night?

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 15:16

Lol scrubs

Butt Swank (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 15:19

Helicopters? for real? I just don't understand how the stuff you just described and the pictures shown here can co-exist in and environment with helicopters.

ANONYMOUS (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 15:26

This looks like cancer threw up in a soiled baby diaper.

KELLY O (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 08/19/2010 - 15:47

Truly the last stand of the rebels.

Also, remember how we tried to tell that guy how he should check out Alabama rapper Yelawolf? He wuddn't havin it. His loss...

Hi (not verified) Wrote

Fri, 08/20/2010 - 02:37

Great coverage, thanks.

MM (not verified) Wrote

Fri, 08/20/2010 - 11:52

Wow, GROUNDBREAKING. Way to shoot fish in a barrel. ps - it's spelled accelerator, it's 2010 idiots

point one... (not verified) Wrote

Fri, 08/20/2010 - 14:59

@MM, really? its not even making fun of anyone. it looks like a pretty fair account to me. point two, this magazine is about 20 years old, so it prob wouldn't make a ton of sense to change the name now. maybe rolling stone should change their name to paramore to better reflect the times?

MM (not verified) Wrote

Sat, 08/21/2010 - 16:38

@point one wow, ZING!

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Mon, 08/23/2010 - 12:17

Brandon is my hero

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Mon, 08/23/2010 - 20:12

did you actually say 'witch housers'? Do yourself a favor and stop writing about music. please.

SRFMF (not verified) Wrote

Wed, 08/25/2010 - 08:44

AW whats the matter, did your new subculture get co-opted at twice the speed of last year? Its 2010...wake the fuck up super zero.

snaps7676 (not verified) Wrote

Mon, 08/30/2010 - 03:23

the guy in the video speaking is Foreverman. He is easily found on myspace.

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Tue, 08/31/2010 - 14:02

are you fucking serious.....people like this exist....and they gather in one place.....please tell me where it is......so i can stay far far far away.

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Tue, 08/31/2010 - 23:23

didnt foreverman make a song called garbage dump too? lol

Kevlar (not verified) Wrote

Fri, 09/03/2010 - 00:24

Props to Xlr8r for covering such a cool event. As someone who is a fan of the Xlr8r events and publication it's nice to see some people checking out something new and covering a unique event.

Is there a lot more good stuff going on at the gathering that's not mentioned here? Absolutely. But I understand there are only so many hours in the day for our intrepid reporters.

It should be noted that Psychopathic Rydas, Dark Lotus, Insane Clown Posse, and Method Man+ Redman all had amazing performances. Not too mention Blaze, Boondox, AMB, Wolfpac....

Juggalo Championship Wrestling had four separate events featuring an incredibly diverse talent roster and incredible characters and matches.

There's a lot of cool people and a lotta love too. And there's some mad hotties too. Trust me!

Mr. Green (not verified) Wrote

Fri, 09/03/2010 - 05:17

That's my homie Gio with the ballon!! LOL!!

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Fri, 09/03/2010 - 09:54

We camped on Wed. And most mahfuckers were there days before that. To them, it starts the weekend before!

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Sun, 09/05/2010 - 22:05

the stabing was worker from a pizza stand and never included any juggalos

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Sun, 09/05/2010 - 22:06

the stabing was worker from a pizza stand and never included any juggalos

Anonymous (not verified) Wrote

Mon, 09/06/2010 - 15:02

right fam dont stab fam! but the gathering was fresh once again!

brokenwingz17 (not verified) Wrote

Fri, 09/10/2010 - 06:29

dam cant wait to make it to the gathering all kinds of crazy.

DJ HUK (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 09/16/2010 - 11:11

I must admit, you juggalos really took care of Tina Tequila. Except, I really want to "do" her now even more than before. Thanks for sexing her up.

DownNinjette (not verified) Wrote

Thu, 10/28/2010 - 00:19

Wish everyone would've listened to Shaggs and J at the seminar. "Don't throw shit at Tila Tequila, Shaggs want to fuck her". Haha. I didn't throw shit, and I did enjoy her titties while they lasted, plus you gotta love the appearance Tom Green made when she was on. Sometimes we throw shit at you because we like you, tough love. Violent love :) Juggalettes show love, by showin their titties, hell sometimes the Gathering is the only time to take a load off and just have some fucking fun, if that involves putting a beer bong in your pussy, then hey! whatever floats your boat buddy. Nobody goes to GOTJ to judge anyone, we all Family. Shit the Wolfpac girls get fucked on stage, but no one sees them as "garbage dumps". I won't lie, I like going to the Gathering for the ladies. I've seen so many beautiful girls, sexy outfits, and pretty pink areolas all weekend. We all go to get our drank on, see titties, listen to that Wicked Shit, forget our bitch ass boss, and have some FUCKING FUN, literally. Ha. The Gathering is the muphukkin shit, and I'll continue to go as long as it's around.

Whoop Whoop 605 Ninjette Love

So sad no pics from Ms. Juggalette,
I was contestant #4!

(PS, Juggalettes are some of the coolest bitches you'll ever meet in your life, so put the Hatorade down for a minute and lemme hear a Whoop whoop, even if you aint a Ninja)

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