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Bitter Bastard: Dance Music Don'ts

Behold! A smattering of the most unnecessary things in club culture, courtesy of your dancefloor watchdog, BJ "Bitter" Bastard.

1. Topless female DJs
We just got sent this email from a dude who represents "topless female DJs" and it didn't even say their DJ names or anything about them as people, except that they played trance, house, and electro. I want to make a joke about this but it's hard to do while I'm barfing in my mouth. One small step for boners, one big giant leap backwards for all humankind.

2. Clubbing awards

Mihara Yasuhiro: Foot Forward

The last person whose style made an impression on Japanese designer Mihara Yasuhiro was an old lady he spotted in France. "She was walking down the street and her wig was off-center on her head," he explains, via an interpreter. "But somehow, it looked so cool."


Matthew Dear: Confidence Man

Much ink has been spilled over the way that hip-hop artists are increasingly becoming defined by their entourages. Less discussed is the fact that techno is going the same route. (For proof, reference any photograph of the DJ booth when Richie Hawtin is holding court.) The proliferation of discount airlines and the growing notion of a "clubbing season"–marked by the opening and closing parties of Ibiza's biggest institutions–are turning DJ entourages stateless and nimble, as quick as a flash mob and as ubiquitous as a 4/4 kick.


FriendsWithYou: Plush Playgrounds

With so many brands trying to insinuate themselves into your daily life, it's easy to be suspicious of an organization that wants to befriend you. But it's hard to stay cynical about Friends With You, an outfit so upfront about their intent that they've made their mission statement their name.


Explosions in the Sky: Hazy Shades

Fans–whether of sports or music–say a lot of things, not all of them nice. They say the second title is the toughest, that the hardest thing is a repeat. And they repeat these axioms 'til they hammer harder and heavier than any linebacker.

Some teams flare up and out, achieving a pyrrhic victory. Then there are countless tales of bands and ballplayers sacked just short of expectations, no matter how many two-a-days they ran.


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