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- Words: Fred Miketa
Bret Michaels To Sleaze Up Guitar Hero III
Don’t get us wrong–we heart us some Rock of Love. I mean come on! All that blonde hair! All those slutty outfits! All that plastic surgery! And then there’s all the chicks…BA ZIIING!
But seriously folks, Bret Michaels’ likeness is going to be in Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, fronting your ersatz band every time you play Poison’s “Talk Dirty to Me” or Bret Michaels Band’s über-craptacular “Go That Far,” which sucks harder than Brandi C for a twenty bag of blow…HEY OHHH!
OK enough tomfoolery-Guitar Hero III will in fact be awesome. It has Slash. And Iron Maiden, and Metallica. We just kind of hate that Bret Michaels has to go and turd up what would otherwise be another amazing entry into the series. Speaking of Bret Michaels and entry…our money is on Samantha! Thank you and good night!
Condemned Movie Gets a Director
Remember that awful J.Lo “psychological thriller” The Cell? Why would you? How about the “Losing My Religion” video from 16 years ago? Yeah, that one. Stipe’s flailing arms, fat guys and whatnot?
Well the guy who directed both of those masterworks, Tarsem Singh, has now gotten his hands on Warner Bros.' Unforgettable, which is based on the decently creepy Condemned series from Sega.
From the Hollywood Reporter: "Unforgettable, originally titled Species X, centers on a cop who, in the course of a murder investigation, realizes that he is not human and uncovers a war between good and evil aliens.
Condemned 2: Bloodshot comes out early 2008 for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3.
Castlevania Animated Movie Script Details; Bestiality
British scribe Warren Ellis, who has penned some of comics most memorable tomes (Wolverine, Wild C.A.T.s, Transmetropolitan), and who is currently penning the animated Castlevania flick, released a bit of the script today, just to let us know that this vampire hunter film is DEFINITELY not for children…
Behold! The Goat Sex Discussion scene from castlevaniadraculascurse.com:
And Trevor Belmont, the last of the legendary vampire hunters, sitting alone in the back of the drinking-house, wrapped in a heavy cloak and nursing a flagon of watery beer while, at the bar counter, Bosha, a burly middle-aged farmer, blusters at Kob, a narrow man still wearing a blacksmith’s apron. The Innkeeper is trying hard not to listen.
Bosha: and I’d know if my goat was in love with you.
Kob: For God’s sake.
Bosha: And he says to me, I know your goat is in love with me.
Kob: So you said “how?”, Bosha?
Bosha: So I said, “how?” And he says, well, she fucks me, doesn’t she?
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- September 18: New Forms Festival 2014 with Oneohtrix Point Never, Hieroglyphic Being, Helena Hauff, Madlib, and More
- September 24: Decibel Festival with Marcel Dettmann, KiNK, FaltyDL, John Roberts, Steffi, Simian Mobile Disco, and More
- October 15: Amsterdam Dance Event with Four Tet, DJ Koze, Jon Hopkins, Karenn, Ben UFO, Floating Points, MCDE, Talaboman, and More
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