Hi, Doctor Nick! - Juggling Girlfriends and the Hard Truth About Relationships in the Music Biz
Nick Hook is the best. For nearly six months, Doctor Nick has been answering questions from the XLR8R massive every Thursday morning, yet the wisdom just keeps on coming. No topic is off limits, and the man can speak with authority about music, production, DJing, travel, promotion, networking, and more. If you need a little bit of advice, he's your man. Send in your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. He's here to help.
Yo. Not much new to report. I made a podcast for Fool's Gold. Peep that here. Ummm... who's going to Texas for SXSW? Let's hang there. I'm looking forward to that.
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Hi Doctor Nick,
How many girlfriends is too many girlfriends if you DJ or professional rave? Can people in the biz have stable relationships?
I mean, unless you are on some real alternative lifestyle wave, I'd say having a girlfriend means you can only have one.
When it comes to seeing/dating other girls, I'd say as long as you aren't misleading anyone and are honest about things, multiple ladies is fine.
I'm not sure if relationships for people in the biz can work. Keeping things exciting is about sharing and communication. When you both do the same thing, the flame burns bright as it can be, and then burns out after that.
That said, I'm two years out of a 10-year relationship. I thought it would never end, and when it did, it made me re-evaluate EVERYTHING. My life has changed so much in those two years and I think the real question is what you want. I've sacrificed so much to gain so much at the same time. I wouldn't say either is right or wrong, but sometimes you do have to be selfish. I'm not talking about treating people wrong or doing other bad things, but I do mean not always being so nice that you forget about you.
My rule of thumb has been to try and find women who are outside the first tier of my friend group. I know it's hard, especially with the way the world is so connected, but if you put a little bit of work in, you would probably be surprised that there are a ton of amazing people out there. Besides, do you want your girl coming home and telling you about the newest HudMo record? I'm trying to tell her about that—I want her to tell me about some amazing painting somewhere that I never would have known about otherwise.
That said, be honest. I always err on the side of treating girls with respect, or try my best to do so. It's important to me. Also, I think that kind of reputation travels faster than being someone who's slept with the whole universe, or a guy who's just bad to women. It's especially true if you are determined to "find" someone. No one is stupid here.
I've kind of come to grips with the fact that I might get married and have eight kids, or I might never have a real relationship ever again. What we do lends itself to that. Leaving for months on end or working 43 hours in a row isn't the most romantic thing in the world, but it's our reality. If your relationship is at 80% capacity and so is your work, you're getting a B-. I'm going for an A+ in everything I do, as often as I can.
I also look at people like Picasso or Basquiat, and from my vantage point, the injection of positive female energy into their lives really inspired their art. These guys had SO many different relationships and when you look at their stuff, you can see that in the chapters of their art, and I find that inspiring in a lot of ways.
Okay, I'm off. Gonna go see if a girl somewhere out there might actually want to talk to me. Until next week.
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