Bitter Bastard: Worst of 2006 - XLR8R

Bitter Bastard: Worst of 2006

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1. Ponderous band names Where once there were "The" bands (The Strokes, The Hives, etc.), 2006 was the year of seeing how many nonsensical words could be crammed into one band title. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Skeletons and the Girl-Faced Boys, Architecture in Helsinki... We blame And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead for making this whole thing okay.

2. Nature motifs Dang. Deer, feathers, wings, dreamcatchers, owls, wolves, and moccasins were big this year. It was like being on a bad trip at Altamont with a bunch of people who wouldn't ever dream of even going camping.

3. Laptop DJing Yes, it's cool to have every song at your fingertips, but playing 96 bit-rate MP3s taken off someone's blog sound about as good as the rattling of a tin can. And having your computer crash right in the middle of a hot mix is not where it's at. Watching people try to trainspot Serato records is funny though.

4. iPod DJ mixer Speaking of DJing, why haven't they come out with an iPod DJ mixer that works properly yet? Fools be sleeping.

5. SPAM Let me get this straight: they've invented a vaccine for HPV and video phones but there is still no reliable way to make me stop receiving emails for VIpAGRA and H00dia. With all the time spent deleting this shit, we could have made a whole other magazine every month. Just kidding (sort of).

6. Club sound It's 2006 and the sound in American clubs is still utter shit. It's been so long since I've been in a venue with subs that I've actually forgotten what bass sounds like, much less feels like.

7. A Bathing Ape Let's set the record straight–the only thing worst than this overpriced brand is hearing people incessantly talk about it. Even me hating on it is feeding the hype. Hell, we're doing it right now. But I digress. Did you know it costs 25 Euros (around US$31) just to buy their autumn/winter clothing catalog? Oh, it comes with a Nigo interview and a sticker sheet? Well, then, it's totally worth it.

8. Purple The color purple tried to blow up for a second, but then everyone realized that the only people that really feel comfortable in shades of grape are wacky old ladies and Prince.

9. Cat Power live Am I the only person that hasn't bought into the cult of Chan Marshall? That whole "stage fright" tortured-artist thing is such an act to mask the fact that she doesn't know how to play live. I sure am glad I didn't pay $40 to see this strung-out skater-jocker mumble through two songs, but I wish she'd give everyone else their money back.

10. Being afraid Along with apathy and inertia, aimless fear is just getting really tiring. Fuck an orange terror alert.