Doctor Nick - Can a Relationship with a DJ Actually Work?

Publish date:

Nick Hook likes to encourage people to "get open," and he's not afraid to take his own advice. Every Thursday morning, he pops in here at XLR8R and bares a bit of his soul for our readers—not in a "Dear Diary" way, but just in the sense that he's willing to tap into his wealth of life experience and share his thoughts and opinions with anyone who writes in, has a question, and needs some help. The topic doesn't matter—music, DJing, gear, production, travel, romance, food, and more are all on the table—because the good doctor has plenty of wisdom and is going to give an honest answer regardless. Hit him up at

Hi. I'm in New Zealand. Can't stop won't stop. Finally, I'm not hot as fuck. It's winter here, but that really means fall.

I deleted my Facebook this week. I feel like God just freed me.

Big up to all the folks at Serato. I came to hang and shoot some videos and talk about new toys and stuff. I'm super lucky to do this. On a similar tip, I'm going to be hosting a music production and performance workshop in San Francisco on August 3. Details are here, come through and see Dr. Nick in person.

I can't stop thinking about how amazing DJ Assault was last Thursday at Output. It was magical. Shout out to Jubilee also. She killed it. Shout out to Trouble & Bass, Kode9, and Salva... and L-Vis 1990. Damn, I went out a bunch over the last week. I'm feeling good about that. Good music.

Also, I tried spinning. My teacher's favorite artists are Diplo and Mac Miller. I get to listen to EDM while I sweat my balls off.

Anyways, yeah. Send questions. Ima shut the fuck up.

Hi Doctor Nick,
I was dating a DJ for the good part of a year. I love music. I love clubs. I love parties. I love him. He was a good DJ, a great boyfriend, and my best friend. But as the DJing took off, it began to feel more and more like he didn't have time or energy for a serious relationship. So tension rose and we found ourselves fighting constantly. We started to fall apart. He told me that he was really enjoying doing what he was doing and had no intention of slowing down. We broke up. I am pretty cut up about it. But in retrospect, I can't help but wonder if such a situation could have been avoided. Does a relationship between a DJ and a civilian ever work? If so... what's the secret?

I'm not writing this to you because I want to try to get him back. Yeah, I'm moving on. I am done with feeling like the other woman to his CDJs. At the moment, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this whole ordeal.
A civilian

Thanks for writing in. I'd have to say first that you should think of yourself as a goddess and not a civilian. That would be a good start. We all know that women run the universe and you must know that as well.

I agree, you should move on. Time and place is important. You tried it, it happened, and it'll probably be better off for both of you guys when the smoke clears.

To be honest, I think and know a relationship with a DJ/producer/musician can work, but I also think that girls need to realize some things about guys.

I had a girlfriend for-fucking-ever and I to a certain extent feel guilty of these same things that you're writing about. But also I know that if I didn't work as hard as I do or put everything into my craft, I might be under a bridge doing drugs somewhere or could just be having a shitty job and hating life. It was sort of the only option after a while. I don't even know if I could get a job at McDonald's right now. Real talk. And you don't want that, cuz seeing a happy creative person is probably what attracted you to this guy in the first place.

That said, I do wish sometimes my ex-girlfriend would have spoke up and been like, "YO. Close your computer, don't go out tonight, hang with me." Instead, she was so overly supportive that I kinda forgot to take a time out and tend to my relationship. Of course, after you ruin the whole thing you can look back with 20/20 vision and go, "Yeah, I should have stayed home a couple nights a week, turned my phone off, and focused completely on the relationship," but when you're wrapped up in the situation, it's pretty hard to see that. I feel lucky that I can see it now, and I've promised myself that I will practice that in the future. I think the internet and all this immediate impact of society has made us believe that we are supposed to be turnt on 24/7 and always hashtag hashtag hustling. It's all bullshit and we took the bait.

I also realize that people in our shoes inspire a lot of things, but in a relationship situation, I think dudes like us need a woman to drive us and inspire us too. Besides the love of music, sex, eating food, and all the common things that make relationships great, I think the other side is that the woman needs to go away in her realm and come back with amazing stories too. While we are out being inspired and have stories to come back with, where are yours? I'm not saying it has to be 50-50, but if you aren't coming back with any, the communication is going to run out and that's when you become that couple at dinner where the people are just staring at each other talking about nothing. No one wants to be that.

So yeah, I think with a little bit of communication, a little bit of "Yo, come on you idiot," and a little bit of understanding that we are eternal 12 year olds, it can definitely happen.

Hi, Doctor Nick! appears every Thursday on XLR8R. Do you have a question for Doctor Nick? Please submit your inquires to Nick Hook can help you.