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Bret Michaels To Sleaze Up Guitar Hero III
Don’t get us wrong–we heart us some Rock of Love. I mean come on! All that blonde hair! All those slutty outfits! All that plastic surgery! And then there’s all the chicks…BA ZIIING!

But seriously folks, Bret Michaels’ likeness is going to be in Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, fronting your ersatz band every time you play Poison’s “Talk Dirty to Me” or Bret Michaels Band’s über-craptacular “Go That Far,” which sucks harder than Brandi C for a twenty bag of blow…HEY OHHH!

OK enough tomfoolery-Guitar Hero III will in fact be awesome. It has Slash. And Iron Maiden, and Metallica. We just kind of hate that Bret Michaels has to go and turd up what would otherwise be another amazing entry into the series. Speaking of Bret Michaels and entry…our money is on Samantha! Thank you and good night!

Condemned Movie Gets a Director
Remember that awful J.Lo “psychological thriller” The Cell? Why would you? How about the “Losing My Religion” video from 16 years ago? Yeah, that one. Stipe’s flailing arms, fat guys and whatnot?

Well the guy who directed both of those masterworks, Tarsem Singh, has now gotten his hands on Warner Bros.' Unforgettable, which is based on the decently creepy Condemned series from Sega.

From the Hollywood Reporter: "Unforgettable, originally titled Species X, centers on a cop who, in the course of a murder investigation, realizes that he is not human and uncovers a war between good and evil aliens.

Condemned 2: Bloodshot comes out early 2008 for the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. 

Castlevania Animated Movie Script Details; Bestiality
British scribe Warren Ellis, who has penned some of comics most memorable tomes (Wolverine, Wild C.A.T.s, Transmetropolitan), and who is currently penning the animated Castlevania flick, released a bit of the script today, just to let us know that this vampire hunter film is DEFINITELY not for children…

Behold! The Goat Sex Discussion scene from

And Trevor Belmont, the last of the legendary vampire hunters, sitting alone in the back of the drinking-house, wrapped in a heavy cloak and nursing a flagon of watery beer while, at the bar counter, Bosha, a burly middle-aged farmer, blusters at Kob, a narrow man still wearing a blacksmith’s apron. The Innkeeper is trying hard not to listen.

Kob:…Right, right.

Bosha: and I’d know if my goat was in love with you.

Kob: For God’s sake.

Bosha: And he says to me, I know your goat is in love with me.

Kob: So you said “how?”, Bosha?

Bosha: So I said, “how?” And he says, well, she fucks me, doesn’t she?



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New World of Warcraft Expansion Announced 

A somewhat unexpected rumor began circulating earlier this week, regarding another expansion to the nine million copy-selling World of Warcraft, tentatively titled Wrath of the Lich King. Many interneteratti cried foul doubting that such an announcement could be true so soon after the Burning Crusade expansion had been released, and concern was also expressed because Arthas, the titular Lich King, is pretty much the Warcraft Universe’s ultimate baddy. Throwing him into the mix at this point seemed like a bad move.

Well, get over it nerds, because, as announced at BlizzCon, Blizzard’s annual convention, Wrath of the Lich King is now a stone cold reality. Here are some things to expect from the Lich King’s horrible wrath, besides the six wasted months of your life:

-Master the necromantic powers of the Death Knight–World of Warcraft's first Hero class.
-Quest to level 80, gaining potent new abilities and talents along the way.
-Learn the craft of spell augmentation with the new Inscription profession.
-Brave the harsh new continent of Northrend, the icy domain of the Lich King.
-Engage in epic siege warfare, deploying mighty siege engines to lay waste to destructible buildings in your path.
-Transform your hero's look with new character-customization options, including new hairstyles and dances.
-Explore perilous new dungeons filled with some of the deadliest creatures–and greatest treasures–on Azeroth.

As a level 70 Night Elf Hunter, half of me is very excited about this. The other half is dead on the inside because of it. Christ.

Grand Theft Auto IV Delayed Until 2008

Yesterday, Take-Two Interactive announced that Grand Theft Auto IV, the latest entry in Rockstar Games’ cash-cow franchise, was not going to make it’s October 2007 release date, and would instead be released sometime during/after the second quarter of 2008.

On one hand that is shocking, because Rockstar has never NOT released a GTA in October, and despite claims that recent builds have been shaky at best, I fully expected that they would have planned and organized as best they could over the last 3 years to get this thing finished on the promised release date.

On the other hand, programming for the PS3 has proved to be tremendously difficult for almost everybody, and I would wager that putting this out for both the PS3 and Xbox 360 simultaneously proved to be a bigger challenge then the company realized.

While disappointing to many gamers, the rest of the video game industry is likely dancing a merry jig, as hundreds of millions of dollars that would have gone to GTA can now float their way this Christmas. Hannah Montana: Music Jam here we come!


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Microsoft’s Viva Piñata coming to the DS
An announcement at Comic-Con this week stated that the Rare-developed, Microsoft-published Viva Piñata is coming to the Nintendo DS.

A strategy game about raising colorful piñata animals on a farm, Viva Piñata was a good idea that didn’t really take off on the Xbox 360, most likely because people who generally own Xbox 360’s aren’t 10-year old girls, and the piñatas in question neither exploded nor bled.

The game is being converted into a top-down view for the DS, and is kind of a big deal for a few reasons:

1. This is one of the first times that I can think of where a major company like Microsoft was willing to take a game franchise that they touted as one of their flagship properties and sent it to a competitor’s technically inferior, yet much more ubiquitous and lucrative, piece of hardware.

2. Not only could this set an interesting precedent, it also opens the door for the possibility of the much-rumored Halo DS.

3. Microsoft was rumored to be interested in purchasing a struggling Nintendo only a couple of years ago. The tide done turned, my friends.


Xbox 360 Price Drop Looming?
The week before E3, a few pre-press ads leaked onto the web, showing a $100 price decrease for the 60GB PS3. Sony said that no such thing would happen. Then, a couple of days later, it did.

Microsoft then said that it had no plans to lower the price of the Xbox 360. Of course not.

But alas, two different ads that aren’t public yet, similar to the PS3 ads, surfaced this week on various sites, showing a $50 price-drop for the Xbox 360 at both Wal-Mart and Toys R Us.

Should these photos be believed, this will all transpire on or before August 12th!

Rockstar Games’ PS3 Exclusive
Despite GTA IV not getting any exclusive episodic content on the PlayStation 3 (though it will on the Xbox 360), to appease the ailing company, Rockstar Games has instead made a deal with Sony to release an entirely exclusive title for the PS3…at some point.

From Michael Shorrock, Director of 3rd Party Relations at SCEA: “As part of our long-standing relationship with Rockstar, and the incredible success for both companies with the cultural icon that is Grand Theft Auto, we’ve agreed to the PlayStation exclusive rights of the next great franchise from the Rockstar studios.”

I know it says “next franchise,” which would lead us to believe it’s something new, BUT, my guess would be Red Dead Revolver 2.

Anyone remember that trailer for an “unnamed western” that Rockstar showed at E3 2 years ago during Sony press conference, and then quickly denied existed? I could be wrong and it could be something entirely new but it would make sense. Red Dead Revolver sold fairly well so sequel is inevitable and why not make Sony happy with a little exclusive since they dropped the ball on the exclusive GTA IV content? I also wager that whatever it is won’t be an exclusive for more than 6 months. They never are!

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